whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
