Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
