Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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