i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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