I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
