24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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