She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
