Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He passed out mid-signature
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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