dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize