Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize