it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
