Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
