I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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