my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
