Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
