I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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