dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
