I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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