I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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