Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
