Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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