normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
