What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
