"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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