That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
