Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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