my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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