you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
two words...techno handjob
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Someone signed my nipple.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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