well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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