so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
