he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize