Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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