She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
