My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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