Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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