just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
