Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
