I bet he comes in French.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The air taste purple.
Randomize
