I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
