you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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