Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
