the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
