WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it's like iHOP with fire
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
