remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
