This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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