OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
