My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
