Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
