I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
