i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
