I could make wine with my vomit
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Pooping to opera.
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