My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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