Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
