It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize