Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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