Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
