beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
