Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
