I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
bring money and cleavage
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
