I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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