I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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