if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
