I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
