She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I did not marry a roomba.
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