you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
