This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
